Don't let fear ruin your relationship.





Relationships can be scary. Even when we have been with someone for a very long time, there can still be times when we feel insecure or afraid that we are not enough or that we may get hurt. The worst worry that results from this is not being loved.


People often feel like this when there are issues in the relationship, and also some can feel this way even before there are issues and the fear itself is what eventually causes the damage to the relationship.


People frequently make poor decisions out of fear. They can behave in ways that they wouldn't if they weren't afraid as a result of their fear.


Fear is vital to our survival. We all have a trigger inside of us that activates when we are in danger. The response of 'Flight or Fight' is brought on by the trigger, but how does this relate to our relationships?


This trigger will also "fire" if someone is in discomfort, upset or feels insecure or under threat. This may lead to the person acting strangely or behaving in a way that is not true to who they are. They then may emotionally withdraw and close down.

Because the fear is triggering a protective reaction, it is a defence against additional harm or suffering. The person is no longer living authentically. A loving, kind individual can change into an angry, unreasonable, and cold person. They are letting their emotions and reactions be governed by fear.


Obviously, this will have a huge effect on their relationship. As a result, they are now adding harmful behaviours to a marriage that may already be in trouble and things will only get worse.


Going against these anxieties seems counterintuitive since, despite what their mind keeps telling them, the person feels safer. They begin to have self-doubt and lose faith in their judgement. Some people begin to act in ways they've never done before, and they don't know the reason why.


Now, it's common for their partner to begin to experience fear as well and to act differently in an effort to "manage" the situation. They are afraid, it is not because they want to control their partner.


As a result, there are now two people involved in the relationship, and neither is acting honestly. They both feel fear. Both of them are stuck.


The first step to change is to be aware of your own reactions, choices and behaviour. Pay attention to your emotions and question why you reacted in a certain way. Were you defensive because of fear?


Many couples separate because of fear and insecurity in the relationship. When it comes to divorce, the financial and emotional fallout is far worse than you might think. Once the initial shock wears off, people frequently second-guess their choice to end a relationship and reflect on why they did it. In some instances, people continue to experience pain years later. Because they were afraid, they chose to take flight. However, they had frequently failed to recognise the true cause of their unhappiness.


As you can see, there is a third choice available in addition to the flight or fight response: FIND OUT.


There are so many more options available when you know.


Identify the source of your fear.


Find out why you're feeling stuck.


Find out why your partner is acting the way they are since it's likely that they are also afraid.


Learn how to make it right for both of you, not just for yourself.


If you feel that you and your partner are ready to do what it takes and make long-term changes to your relationship then please get in touch with me to book your complimentary consultation. I would love to help you to re-build or even re-create your marriage or relationship.

You can book this here.


Jane

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