What Can I Do To Save My Relationship?
Be Present
Being present matters more than receiving presents. Being present for your partner is invaluable to them and for your relationship.
Most people want their partner to be present in their relationship. When your partner is present, with you, it can be the cement that holds you together. When your partner is present, you feel significant and special. Feeling like you matter, that you are heard and cared for becomes the norm in your relationship.
Being present is giving your partner your attention, in the here and now. It means that your thoughts are in the present moment. You are focusing on them, in the present moment. Your reactions and responses are coming from the present moment.
This may sound obvious, but ask yourself: "When my wife. husband is talking to me am I really listening?"
Or are you thinking about what they once did or said in the past that negates what they are saying now? Are you thinking about work? Are you thinking about why they are wrong? Are your responses coming from what is happening in the present moment or are they based on past events?
It is easy, and sometimes natural to draw from the past, sometimes even necessary. But if your responses to your partner are based on how they used to be, or something they did once, you may be causing yourself (and them) pain or upset and maybe reacting in a way that is not contributing to the connection you want with your partner. When you listen to how they are feeling in that moment, show them empathy and that you care. Ask questions to show that you are interested and ask them if they need anything from you. Make eye contact and put away any distractions.
I'm talking about giving your partner your undivided attention. Listening to them, getting to know them, appreciating them, and assisting them. Instead of listening to defend, listen to learn. Learning about their environment from their point of view rather than yours instead of trying to convince people to come around to your point of view, learn so you can help them succeed!
When your partner comes into the room, whether you are on your phone, working, watching T.V or playing with the kids, please acknowledge them! Greeting your partner can help them to feel valued whereas if you don't they can feel insignificant and undervalued. These feelings are corrosive to a relationship and will affect how they treat you and respond to you!
Show your partner by putting down your phone, pausing the TV, and looking at them to show them you are pleased to see them. This one act of connection could change the course of your interactions for the day! Small gestures like this are so valuable to a happy relationship.
What can you do today to show your partner that you are present? How can you stop reacting to things that have happened in the past and respond only to what is happening at that moment?
It is more essential to be present than to get gifts. More valuable and generous than any jewel, flower, or chocolate.
It is more significant than any gift.
Your presence is the finest gift you can give your lover.
The issue that I encounter with so many couples is that they don't feel safe doing so. They don't do it because they are afraid and vulnerable. Some may do it once in a while, but consistency is required here. Trust is always present because they are so consistent.
Part of the work I do with couples in crisis is teaching them how to be Present, how to feel safe being Present, and what that builds.
The gifts are enjoyable, and some may be kept as tokens of affection, but real passionate connection is formed by two beings who have learned to be there for each other in the ways that they require.
Please contact me to learn more about how to make that connection.
Jane x