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"We are more like friends than lovers"

Updated: Nov 19, 2022

Many couples can find that, after a significant amount of time together, and life's routines, demands, and responsibilities, that they begin to feel more like friends than lovers.

This is something I hear often from couples who come to my sessions looking for answers and assistance with their relationship and their feelings of isolation. The sexual attraction is no longer there, and one or both of them believes they are now living with their best friend.

What society teaches us - is that sexual connection disappears over time and happens to 'all' couples – doesn't help.

Some couples seek help from a sex therapist only to discover that nothing changes.

Many of the issues that many couples have can be traced back to their day-to-day interactions with one another. The way they engage and how well they are understood and heard has an impact n their feelings of closeness, connection and their feelings of intimacy.

This is a necessary component for many women. A woman must feel emotionally comfortable in order to feel feminine. She needs to be heard, and she needs to have polarity with her man in order to ignite the spark that makes sex something she wants. The truth is that a woman requires a purpose to engage in sexual activity.

Many men don't relate to this because they have no idea what it's like to be a woman - and why should they? They've never had to deal with a flurry of competing thoughts in their head for their attention and focus. A woman must feel emotionally understood in order to be free of all of this.

The thinking of a male is different from that of a woman. His capacity to maintain a laser focus on a single task at a time is critical to his survival. So, ladies, it's not that he doesn't care or isn't trying to understand, it's just that he isn't aware of how your mind works.

In my sessions, I work with couples to help them understand and embrace their unique dynamics and how they can be a source of strength for them. What each of them requires and how those requirements must be satisfied. When we are seen, heard, valued, and cherished in our relationship we feel in a much better place to be intimate.

So, if you're in this situation and think you've turned into friends rather than lovers, or that your sexual connection with your partner has gone for good, that might not be the case. It went into hiding for a reason, which may or may not be obvious. It could be worthwhile to find out before deciding on other possibilities.

Please get in touch today to book your complimentary consultation and start the ball rolling to improve your relationship today.

Jane x


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