What can I do to save my relationship?
Number one - Bring in your best emotional state
What is your approach to the many elements of your day and your life?
We all know that if we arrive at work with a bad attitude we will most likely have a bad day. The day can go slowly, people annoy us more than usual and our tolerance levels go down. A bad mood can make us have a bad day.
Can you relate to this in your relationship?
If all you think about is what's wrong with your partner or your relationship, you'll be on the lookout for flaws. We tend to find what we seek. If we look at anything to find a flaw we will usually find it. You are gathering evidence that things are wrong and this, over time, creates your picture of your relationship.
The trouble is that you'll most likely miss out on noticing and appreciating the advantages. You will find negative things if you expect bad things! When it's written down and you're reading it, it may appear apparent. But ask yourself, "What do I do on a daily basis that is creating my relationship.? What mood am I bringing to the table? How is this affecting my experience of being in a relationship with this person?"
Your connection and emotional state will influence several elements of your life and have a significant impact on you and the people around you. That's fantastic if it's good. The outcomes will be considerably different whether it's negative or defensive, or angry and dismissive.
Consider the following scenario:
Someone who comes home desiring to be with their partner and is greeted with love, warmth, and openness is much more likely to be open and willing to discuss any problems or challenges than someone who comes home hating being with their partner. Even if they are met with the same love and care, they are likely to overlook it since their mood is negative, and as a result, their concentration is on the parts they have decided are not right.
Emotions have the potential to be addictive. We can be a certain way and not even realise it. But, remember that your partner is experiencing this from you daily and their responses to you will be affected by this.
Consider this: What is my usual emotional state?
Is your main emotional state:
cross or enraged
defensive
feeling sorry for yourself
demanding
pessimistic
negative
closed
positive
happy
cheerful
optimistic
open
non - judgmental
…………….
If you're in the top half of my list (the red ones), think to yourself, "What am I getting out of this? How can I change this? What can I do or be differently that will help me feel better?"
If you're in one of the blue states, congratulations; you're far more likely to listen to and comprehend your partner's point of view, as well as to assist each other.
Emotional Negative States
Although a negative emotional state exists for a cause – most likely to protect oneself in the past – has it become a habit?
Has the source of that unwanted emotional state passed away? Is it possible that you're clinging to something your partner did or said in order to justify your behaviour? By doing this, who are you punishing? You may believe you are justified, but the punishment and agony are already inside you. You have the option of living with it or finding a new meaning for it, understanding it, and then learning to discover a better emotion that will allow you to grow and make new choices in the future.
Find out how to strengthen your emotional muscle.
Much of my work with clients involves first identifying their emotional state and then assisting them in developing a more powerful condition in which they learn to be interested about different options and possibilities. None of us has the ability to change the past. Problems arise. It is not the issue that determines our future; rather, it is how we approach the issue and use it to shape it. Our mental and emotional state.
You may run the best possible version of yourself by empowering yourself and exercising your emotional muscle, which will offer you the best opportunity of assisting each other in times of misunderstanding and conflict.
If you would like help with this, or any other problems in your relationship then please get in touch. :)
Jane x