Updated: Nov 28, 2022
Stop Thinking You Know Everything About Your Partner
Many couples that I work with have, over the years, come to conclusions and judgments about their partner. They believe that they know what their partner is going to do, or how they feel, or even what they will say!
Couples that have been together for many years especially, can unknowingly limit their relationship because they jump to conclusions about their partner which may be untrue. This can lead to misunderstandings and resentment, and eventually the end of the relationship.
No one likes being judged, and, even if you think there is nothing wrong with the judgment, (this applies to positive ones aswell) it can take away that persons feeling of freedom to choose for themselves and, affect their self-perception within the relationship.
Our lives are impacted by preconceptions, often in very negative ways. This can have a significant impact on how we judge someone. a decision that is, at best, unfair and, at worst, utterly incorrect.
The majority of people will say they are open-minded and never judge, yet in my sessions, I encounter innumerable people who spend their time claiming me they don't judge while simultaneously judging their spouse.
The problem is that we don't hear or see ourselves doing it; instead, we only catch it in other people. Being more self-aware means expanding our range of options, as well as seeing those options in others, and developing curiosity about how they operate rather than judgment.
For many people, it can be a significant step to shift from being judgmental to being curious, yet doing so will erase so many harmful prejudices and expand your horizons. It requires effort and a certain level of resolve. You will occasionally err, but when you do, acknowledge it in yourself.
Doing this will greatly improve your connection.
If your relationship is currently struggling, you must act immediately. Waiting won't make the issues go away. Even if waiting is an action in and of itself, nothing will change as a result.
Most relationships can be revived and become closer than before, but many fail because the necessary steps to rekindle them were not taken.
So, the next time you realise that you have assumed something about your partner, ask them a question and apologise for jumping to a conclusion. We are all changing and growing all of the time.
Just because they used to be a certain way it doesn't mean that they still are.
Relationships grow and change over time, allowing your partner to do the same is a gift you can give them.