How To Communicate Better In A Relationship - About The Difficult Things
Sometimes we need to talk about the tough stuff.
Things our partner may not want to hear or face up to, and things we find difficult to talk about.
The following advice will help you to manage it better:
1. Timing is crucial - Trying to communicate with your partner about difficult topics when they are distracted (i.e working, washing up, looking after the kids, etc) is a recipe for disaster.
It is vital that your partner is able to give you their full attention else the conversation may not go as you would like and it may be even harder to bring it up next time, or you may be left feeling like they don't care.
2. Make it about how you feel not what they did - talking about yourself helps reduce the possibility of your partner getting defensive. It also can induce more questions from them, a discussion and a team effort to resolve the issue.
3. Find out how they feel or what they want. Seek to understand them and their perspective and their needs. Showing that you care can help the tricky conversations to stay calm and help you to work as a team. Don't assume that you know them so well that you know exactly what is going on with them, seek out the information from their perspective.
4. Set an intention, think about what you would ideally like to gain from the conversation, what is your goal?
5. Include regular time together with the intention of talking about your relationship. Be willing to be vulnerable if you can and try to connect through the conversation. You will begin to get used to talking about it and it will become easier. This way you can also chip away at more difficult issues rather than try to resolve them all in one conversation.
6. Respect their perspective and don't undermine it even if you can't understand it yet. They feel the way they feel and you mustn't belittle that. You both need to be able to express your feeling without feeling judged.
7. Include positives. Include positive traits they have, what you value about them, what you have noticed has improved, what you love about them etc. Balance the conversation and show them you are on their side. We all need to know we are doing things right and we are approved of and accepted by our partner so tell them regularly what you love, admire, and appreciate about them.
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Jane