Updated: Jun 28
Take responsibility for your part in the relationship.
There are many ways to start to save your relationship and this one is absolutely vital.
If you are not taking responsibility for your part in the state of your relationship, in your behaviour, choices, and actions, then it is highly likely that you are blaming your partner for these things instead.
Unfortunately, there is never solely one person to blame for the relationship state and it really isn't that simple. Within your marriage, you will be doing things that can help, or can hinder you in improving your marriage.
So let us break it down. For example, maybe your partner does have annoying habits, that is their responsibility, and your responsibility is how you choose to react to them, and how you communicate to them in a way that is respectful, patient, and tolerant.
This implies that neither of you can play the victim. To do this, you must adopt a positive mindset and tell yourself, "I take full responsibility for what has happened and the way that it happened."
When both partners take responsibility, you are now looking for answers rather than wasting time and energy criticising one another.
You can now support one another in achieving your objective of taking full responsibility for events and how you respond to problems as they emerge. This requires practice.
If you are consistently blaming your partner, criticising, or putting them down, your relationship will suffer and you will lose the connection you once had.
So your job now is to stop doing those things, stop assuming the role of victim and empower yourself to make changes. When there is conflict between you, ask yourself, what was my part in this? What could I have done differently that would have given us a different outcome?
You will, at some point, need your partner to join you with doing this. However, if you cant talk to them about this now, maybe things are too tense between you, you can start doing this yourself and they will notice the change in you and start to follow suit.
One way you can do this is to say - "You are right, I was wrong." Taking responsibility in this way is likely to allow your partner to say something like, "You are not wrong, it was just..." and give another reason.
You might find it challenging to make these changes on your own as a couple. If this describes you and you'd like assistance and advice on how to repair your relationship, please get in touch. Coaching can help you to realise and put into place what you need to do to stop blaming and take responsibility and recreate the connection with your partner that you once had.
I have worked with many couples that thought there was nothing they could do to save their relationship and I have witnessed them repairing and strengthening their relationship week after week with coaching sessions.
Please book your complimentary consultation here.
I hope to see you soon.