When your relationship is in trouble, it's easy to get defensive and angry. It can be hard to pinpoint what is going wrong and it is easy to blame our partner.
You can tell they've changed their ways and turned into a version of themselves you don't like. What about you, though? Are you also taking responsibility for your part?
If you're also lashing out without considering how these negative, damaging behaviours may be viewed, I'd like you to consider the following:
Would you want to be the one on the receiving end of you?
If you answered no, I'd like you to think about some new approaches to your problems.
When a couple is going through a difficult time, they tend to focus on the negative. You can find yourself going on a 'search' for things that aren't right. You'll discover things to annoy you if your attention is on finding things to annoy you. Sometimes it only takes a short time for us to create a habit of looking for what is 'wrong' in our partner.
Anything nice will be missed or ignored. You'll be more likely to 'search' for good or better things if you shift your focus from expectation to appreciation. Of course, you'll still run across things that upset you, but they won't take over your life. You will gain a more balanced perspective on life.
Criticism must be eliminated.
No one, in my experience, loves someone who criticises them more. If your partner criticises you, you will feel hurt, discarded, disregarded, and misunderstood. It's quite possible that you'll now retaliate with your own criticism in order to 'get even.' Each of you is now waging your own battle, and none of you is looking forward to it.
It's critical to learn how to deal with criticism. This does not imply that you keep your emotions hidden. You both learn how to deal with setbacks in the most effective way possible so that you can get the most out of each other. Instead of focusing on yourself, you must learn what your partner needs.
Make the decision to prioritise being loving over being right.
You immediately make your partner wrong if you fight to be right. If you don't like it when you're a loser, they won't enjoy it either. They're not going to enjoy being on the receiving end of your wrath.
The idea is to learn to communicate with each other in ways that allow you to gain a better understanding of each other. There are no winners in a failing relationship.
Learn by listening.
You must learn to listen in order to accomplish this! Rather than listening to respond, listen to learn about your companion. By the way, you are no longer actively listening once you begin to organise your response/defence.
Your options
It's entirely up to you how you act. It is also up to you how you interpret the messages you receive. Your decisions can have a significant impact on how you feel and react. You can teach your partner new reactions by learning to respond differently.
It's not a difficult task!
It's vital to learn new tools to aid you in both of these areas. If you make the decision to find out, a new future will appear in front of you. Nothing will change if you keep doing what you've always done.
I'd like to point out that not every pair should be together. Some partnerships are not meant to be.
However, if you do decide to separate, make sure that you are leaving for the correct reasons. If you are not sure what those are, or if they are even real, then please do get in touch. When separating you have to ensure that you have all of the information you need before the decision is made, and coaching can clarify that for you.
You can learn what your partner needs and how those requirements must be met.
Information on what you really need, rather than what you think you need.
You may be missing out on a close-knit future together — one that provides you both with the future you desire.
One in which you both like being on the receiving end.
Get in touch today to book your consultation to learn more,
Jane x